Now, I may conclude by discussing the last reason why rape occurs in the mind of the rapist, and I chose for lack of much diction to call it:
AMBIENT REALITIES: Please follow my thoughts closely so you can get where I am going. Every action a man takes in this life is fueled by a perspective in his mind. Choices (whether spontaneous or not) are not independent of mindsets. What you believe, or the way you see life will decide how you will respond to the many circumstances it will present to you. Hence, if you want to change a man’s choices and actions, first change his perspectives/mindset.
However, on what does mindset depends? It depends on the ambience (the environment) of such a man. When I say environment, I really do not mean where he lives or stays, but the very opinions, people, issues and realities that he has surrounded himself with. We are not ourselves. In one way or the other we are shaped by the company we keep around us. We are shaped by our sources of information. The actions and choices we are making today are a product of our mindsets which were formed by the things we heard, saw and surrounded ourselves with. So, if we want to prevent ourselves from doing something in the future, we must work on the ambience we allow around us.
Where am I aiming at? WHAT IS THE AMBIENCE OF A RAPIST? WHAT IS IT THAT A MAN SURROUNDS HIMSELF WITH THAT MAKES HIM A RAPIST? What is it that compels a man to sleep with his daughter, a teacher to molest his female student, a lecturer to demand sex from a female student, a grown up (or growing up) man to sexually assault a little girl or an old woman? What fuels these things? EVIL SPIRITS? Nice escape! Looks much like the truth. But on what wings did the evil spirits rise to enter those people? Did the spirits just suddenly decide to possess and compel them (whether they liked it or not)? WELL, THE GIRLS DO NOT DRESS WELL? Nonsense argument! No matter how stupidly a girl is dressed, it says nothing about whether you can rape her or not. Are you the only boy who saw her that stupidly dressed?
What really ignites these base passions? Let me say it simplistically and shockingly- THE THINGS WE WATCH AND HEAR. Every blessed day an average young man lives, he is a few steps away from being a rapist. With the influx of stupid and ugly films which present sex (and the opposite sex) in a bad light, it is becoming increasingly difficult for a young man to walk in purity towards the opposite sex. We may carry our placards and keep shouting “SAY NO TO RAPE!”, but as long as shows like Big Brother Naija, and their likes keeps on churning out their bunches of sexual nonsensicals; as long as Nollywood and Hollywood keeps on painting a negative and untrue picture of sex; as long as our musicians continue singing of how “I want your body sleeping on my bed”, it will be impossible for the average young man to relate in purity with the opposite sex.
Our argument has nothing to do with hell fire or heaven now, but what picture does our entertainment industry paint about the opposite sex? Let me tell you. EVERY DAY, THEY TELL ME THAT THE ONLY REASON WHY THE OPPOSITE SEX WAS CREATED WAS TO SATISFY MY SEXUAL APPETITE. EVERY DAY THEY TELL ME THAT THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT A WOMAN; THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS, HURTS, NEEDS AND BRAINS, THAT ALL SHE HAS AND ALL SHE NEEDS TO HAVE IS A BIG BUTT, HUGE BOOBS AND SEXY LEGS. After all that is all she is made of. So, every day on Instagram our actresses and female musicians are showing us on Instagram their bikini pictures, their latest poses, their short skirts, and their nudes. Each day you almost find yourself wondering, “is there more to a woman that butts, boobs and sexy legs?” Does she have needs? Does she have brains? Is she deserving of being treated with respect and honor? Or is she just a tool for my sexual satisfaction (whether by force or by consent)?
Great and achieving women like Okonjo Iweala, Late Dora Akunyili, Hillary Clinton, Mother Theresa, Ibukun Awosika, etc. do not stand in the front burners of honor in our magazines and newspapers today. Who takes the center stage? Let me not mention names, but you know. It seems that a woman does not need to have brains, she does not need to be honored and respected. All she needs to do is to flaunt her latest make-up and no-make-up pictures, her latest poses, her latest proposal, and of course her latest divorce (because they always divorce).
Each time in our films I see a young man and woman left alone in the room, I know the next thing they will do. Whether the film is Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood or any other forms of wood. THEY WILL KISS. HUG. PET. HAVE SEX. But that is not true! It is not how it was meant to be! But as long as this picture is being created in the mind of the average young man every day, truth be told, it becomes increasingly difficult to walk in purity and honor towards the opposite sex. If we really want to combat rape, it is time to begin to create a new perspective, a new ambience in the minds of our young boys and girls. And it must start with you. Otherwise, the next rapist may be just sitting near you watching that “sexy” film and Big Brother Naija with you.
So, long a post. So, how do we practically get involved. My suggestions for action will form the body of my next post on this matter.
Please share and spread the news. THERE IS MORE TO WOMANHOOD THAN SEX! STOP RAPE TODAY! TREAT THE OPPOSITE SEX WITH HONOUR AND RESPECT!
IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITY OF A RAPE-FREE WORLD!
IT BEGINS WITH YOU!